


I Won't Cry, I Won't Cry

by damianwayne



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/F, Getting Back Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24268531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damianwayne/pseuds/damianwayne
Summary: Five times Rei had to say goodbye to Tae, and the one time she didn't.
Relationships: Hanazono Tae/Wakana Rei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	I Won't Cry, I Won't Cry

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so uncreative i chose their duo title as the fic title

**1.**

"It’s late already," Rei said.

The girl next to her on the swing turned to her. Tae. Hanazono Tae was her name. "Yeah," she said.

"Mom said I have to be home by six."

Tae hummed and looked up. "Is it six already?"

"I don’t know, I don’t have a watch" Rei admitted. Her grip on the swing’s ropes tightened. She didn’t want to go home yet. She barely knew this girl, but she wanted to stay here and play with her more.

"Do you live near here?"

"Down the street."

Tae pushed herself off the swing and stood in front of Rei. Rei had to look up to face her. The sun was going down right behind Tae, making her stand in the shadow with the sunlight hitting her back, swallowing her in a light ray.

"I don’t live far away from here either! Do you want to meet tomorrow too?" Tae asked.

Rei lit up at the question. "Yes!"

Tae smiled brightly. "Okay. Or you can come over to my place. You can meet Oboe."

"Oboe?" Rei’s eyebrow knit together in confusion.

"My rabbit. But I have many. I just think he’s a lot like you."

Rei laughed. She had never been compared to a rabbit before. "Okay," she said. "Tomorrow."

"It’s a promise." Tae offered Rei her fist. With only a short second of hesitation, Rei reached out and bumped hers against Tae’s.

"Yeah."

* * *

**2.**

Their eyes were red and swollen from crying so much when they finally got off the train and walked back together. Rei was sure their parents were worrying where she was, but they also knew how important Tae was to her. She was her closest friend, the one person she didn’t want to leave behind.

She wiped her tears away with the sleeve of her shirt and looked to Tae.

"We can write letters," Rei suggested.

"Yeah," Tae murmured. Her eyes were on the pavement. Rei had never seen Tae so sad. She was usually a very air-headed person and seeing her best friend like this broke her heart.

She didn’t want to leave. Not Tae. Anyone but Tae.

"When I come back," Rei said, "we can play again. Together."

Tae still didn’t look up. She was sniffing still from tears and Rei let out a quiet sigh before pulling her friend into a hug. Tae hugged her back, arms around the guitar that was still on Rei’s back, and her face buried in the crook of Rei’s neck.

"Okay," she said. "Don’t stop playing."

Rei laughed. "I would never."

Tae stepped back and she was now smiling. Her eyes were still red and puffy, and so was her nose, and the dried tears were still visible on her flushed cheeks, but she was smiling nonetheless. "Me neither."

"And then we’ll play together."

"With Oboe."

Rei grinned. "With Oboe," she confirmed. "You know what? I don’t mind that you think I look like your rabbit. At least you won’t forget me like that."

Tae nudged Rei’s side with her elbow. "I would never forget you."

"Really?"

"Hmm…"

"Hey!"

Tae grinned. "I’m joking."

It didn’t matter. Rei would never forget Tae, even if she did. She would always hold those memories with her close to her heart, years later. And she knew they would reunite someday, she just _knew_ it. And then they would be together on stage, side by side.

"Promise me," Rei said.

"To not forget you?"

"No. That when we come back we’ll play again."

Tae held her fist towards Rei. "Promise."

Rei bumped hers against Tae’s. As much as she didn’t want to leave Tae, at least she had something to look forward to.

* * *

**3.**

She finally had Tae back just to lose her again.

Rei wasn’t half as angry as Chu2 was right now though. Chiyu was throwing a fit, talking about how she’ll show Tae that she will regret her decision from leaving Raise A Suilen for Poppin’ Party. It was ridiculous, she has never been a proper member of RAS anyway.

But it felt like she had been. When they were practicing together like old times, and when they were on stage… The feeling Rei never wanted to let go. When the crowd was cheering and Rei was singing, conveying her emotions and strength to them, sweat already pouring from her forehead, and she’d turn to Tae— that very moment, that split second was better than anything she had ever felt in her life. Tae would return her glance and give her an affirmative nod, or smile brightly at her, and Rei’s heart would melt at the sight.

 _I want to be here forever, with you_ , is what she was thinking. _I don’t want you to leave,_ is what Rei wanted to tell Tae every time a live was over and Tae would go back to Poppin’ Party. But it was so selfish, oh so selfish. She had been away for years and Tae was in another band now, she couldn’t just ask her to stay because Rei wanted her to stay, because her biggest dream was to play with Tae.

Except the dream has changed now. She didn’t just want to sing and play with Tae, she wanted more than just that. She loved her but she would never want to put anymore burden on her best friend. She knew how much it hurt Tae to make the decision already and she had decided.

"So, it’s over," Rei said, approaching her friend.

Tae looked up at her. "I’m sorry." She was sitting outside the building, her bass in the case right next to her. Her hands were on her lap into fists. "I didn’t… I’m sorry."

She stared at the ground in front of her and it reminded Rei of the Tae from years ago. When they last said goodbye to each other, walking home together one last time before Rei moved away. She never wanted to see Tae that said again.

"There’s nothing to be sorry for."

"But Chu2—"

"She’ll deal with it." Rei sat down next to Tae. It was dark outside already, but no stars visible in the night sky, unfortunately. "You have your own band. And… they’re your friends."

Tae still didn’t look at her. Rei sighed and brushed a strand of dark hair out of Tae’s face, putting it behind her ear. "It’s fine."

"I don’t want it to be over," Tae said. "Us."

"Me neither," Rei admitted. "But… we can still play together. Any time you want. We can just hang out, or jam on the streets again. Or I could come over and we could visit Oboe. How is he anyway?"

"Getting real old. Sleeping most of the time," Tae said and she finally lifted her eyes from the ground and looked at Rei. "He’s been asking for you."

"What— How… Ah." Rei laughed. "I’ll drop by to say hello then. Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Tae confirmed.

It wasn’t going to be over just because Tae was leaving Raise A Suilen. "Tomorrow," Rei replied with a smile on her face.

"And the day after. And the one after it," Tae added.

Rei laughed. "Now, we still are both busy with practice and school, right?"

"Ah, right."

"But we could hang out on the weekends. Maybe go somewhere special…" What was she even saying?

"Like a date?" Tae’s big green eyes observed Rei with curiosity. Rei felt the heat rush to her face and she tried to brush it off, rubbing the back of her neck.

"I mean. As friends. Just two gals hanging out…"

"If that’s what you want." Tae got up and took the case and put it on her back. She just brushed it off so casually! "I have to go home now."

Rei knew she would never have a chance like this again, or the courage. Even though Tae was leaving… what more did she have to lose? _Everything_ , the voice of reason whispered in the back of her mind. _Everything but it’s worth it._

"Hana-chan!"

"Yeah?"

"I… If it’s fine with you. I don’t want to be just friends." Here. She said it. Rei prepared for the worst but then Tae replied with a smile, stepped towards her, and kissed her.

The kiss was a light brush against Tae’s lips, she barely registered it. "Did you just kiss me?"

"I guess so." Tae’s hands were holding onto her bass case’s straps.

"Does that mean you also…"

"I didn’t want to leave because of you," Tae admitted.

"Oh." Rei barely managed to get any other words out. Not that ‚oh‘ was a proper word. She never thought Tae would just like her back, that it would be _this_ easy. She thought this was a goodbye but it wasn’t at all. She might be leaving RAS but she wasn’t leaving Rei.

"Do you want me to kiss you again?" Tae teased.

"We’re outside!" Rei sighed and grabbed Tae’s hand. She dragged her to the back of the building, looked around if there was anyone around, and pushed Tae against the wall.

"Ohh… bold."

Rei choked on air. "Please don’t tease me."

Tae laughed. "Are you going to kiss me or not?"

"I have to properly prepare my heart for that."

Tae had her head tilted up, chin tipped to face Rei. She brought her hands up to cup Rei’s face. "Kiss me," she whispered and Rei didn’t let Tae tell her twice.

* * *

**4.**

Tae held up a huge plushy. It was one of a huge rabbit Rei won for her at the arcade once. That was two years ago, during one of their first dates when Tae pointed out how it looked like Oboe and in return like Rei. It took Rei a long time and a lot of money to win it for her girlfriend, but it was all worth it when she saw Tae hug it tightly to her chest. Or the many times after when she slept over at Tae’s place and saw it lying on her bed, and Tae snuggling it in her sleep as well.

"He’ll miss you," Tae said behind the plushy. Since it was so big, she was able to hide behind it.

Rei sighed and gently put it down. "Just him?"

Tae’s eyes were on the ground before she looked up to face Rei. "Me too."

Rei felt a clump forming in the back of her throat. "Tae…"

Tae smiled and shook her head, lowering Fake Oboe down on the floor. "Don’t. I want you to go."

"Ouch."

Tae stepped closer to Rei. "You want to go too."

Rei’s voice tightened. "But I don’t want to leave you. I never wanted to." Raise A Suilen had gained more popularity over the years. Of course, Chu2 was never settled to just have a small fanbase, she always strived higher. She was breaking into the professional business, and in the last few years, they’ve been pretty damn successful, booking out huge concert and becoming one of the nation’s most known music artists. And now they were going on tour, and Rei didn’t want to leave Tae behind but it wasn’t like it was forever anyway.

Why did it feel like it was though?

"I will call every day," Rei said, taking her girlfriend’s hand in hers. She entwined their fingers.

"You already do that though."

"You know what I mean."

Tae smiled and got up on her tiptoes to press a light kiss against Rei’s lips. Rei deepened the kiss, wrapped her arms around Tae’s waist, and pressed her against her body. She didn’t want to let go, lingering on the kiss even after it ended and resting her forehead against Tae’s.

"Don’t kiss me like that, I won’t be able to let you leave," Tae teased.

Rei laughed. "What if I want that?"

Tae shook her head. "No." She picked up Oboe again. "I have someone to replace you."

"Wow." Rei put her palm above her chest. "That hurts. Am I that easy to replace?"

"Yes." Then, Tae chuckled. "Don’t forget to call."

"I won’t," Rei promised. "I love you."

Tae hummed and reached out to her first. Rei raised her eyebrows. "Really? A fist bump? We’ve been dating for over two years."

"Yes, a fist bump," Tae insisted and shook her fist. Rei laughed and bumped hers against Tae’s.

"I’ll come back," she promised.

She always would.

* * *

**5.**

When Rei saw Tae crying for the first time, she thought she never wanted to ever see her sad again. She promised herself. But she broke that promise so many times and she hated herself for it.

When they were together again, after Rei came back from her tours, everything was okay. She would embrace Rei in her arms and be the goofy free-spirited girl that Rei fell in love with but there was a hint of sadness in her voice from time to time. Except that Rei had to leave even more, and Tae always supported her in her career, pushing her to go higher and strive bigger, even going overseas with Raise A Suilen.

And Rei wasn’t stupid. She has known Tae for almost all her life, has watched her, she _knew_ when Tae was faking something. She always seemed so carefree but she knew she wasn’t, and she knew secretly that it hurt Tae that Rei was gone almost all the time.

After two years of a long-distance relationship where neither of them wanted when it was ever going to end, and Tae always assuring her she didn’t want to get between Rei and her music, Rei had enough. She even suggested giving up on her career once which was the first big fight in their entire relationship. Tae told her she shouldn’t give up on music for her, even if Rei insisted it wasn’t just for her. Just as much as Rei knew Tae, Tae knew her as well. She _knew_ Rei would do it for her, she would do anything for her.

Even though they kissed and made up afterward and Rei had to promise Tae to not give up for her, things hadn’t gotten better.

She had enough of breaking Tae, of making her wait for her all the time, wondering how Rei was and missing her. She deserved better than that, someone who was able to put her first.She wasn’t going to make Tae join her on tours, Tae also had her friends, band, and life. Maybe it was stupid, and she didn’t want to say goodbye to Rei— she never wanted to— she thought it was the only option she had.

"But you love me," Tae said. Her voice was breaking, tears were in the corner of her eyes.

Rei looked away. She knew she couldn’t lie to Tae. "I do," she admitted.

"But—"

"Tae, I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry. It’s not good for either of us," Rei said.

Tae wiped away her tears with the back of her palms and Rei wanted so badly to just step to her and kiss them away. She wanted to say everything was okay from now on.

Tae glared at her. "So, it’s over."

"I’m sorry."

Tae clenched the hem of her shirt. "I know you are. You’re doing this because you think it will make me happy. You always— always think about me."

"Yeah," Rei said quietly. "I just said I love you."

"But I love you too!" Tae shouted. "I don’t want to give us up!"

Rei couldn’t hold back her tears anymore either. "I know! And it hurts me, okay? To see you have to fight for this all the time. It shouldn’t be like this— maybe it hurts now. I know, but with time I know you can be happy again." Maybe find someone else. Not that Rei thought she could ever find someone else. There had only ever been Tae for her from the moment they met.

Tae clenched her fists. "If that’s what you want."

"I do."

Tae looked away. "Okay. Goodbye. I only ever wanted you to be happy."

"I know," Rei said quietly before turning around and leaving.

* * *

**+1**

She had no idea what compelled her to go to Tae’s Live. It was at a small coffee place that hosted live bands from time to time and she heard about Tae and her friends playing. It wasn’t like Rei hadn’t seen Tae since they broke up four years ago, they’ve met a few times. Not often, she could count all those encounters on one hand but they’ve met.

She heard mostly from other people how Tae had been doing. The break-up had been bad for her just as it had been for Rei but she started dating Saaya about one and a half years after it. Rei had always been a little bit jealous of the other girl but she was happy for Tae to move on and be happy. Found out about them breaking up about a year ago too.

Raise A Suilen broke up as well. They were still friends, of course, but they were all settling down. Masuka and Rokka got married, Pareo and Chu2 were still in the music business with Chiyu being a manager and music producer for other artists now with Pareo as her right-hand woman. Which left Rei… just floating around.

She wasn’t so sure what to do now. Leading a normal life would be impossible even if Masuka and Rokka were trying to do it because they were celebrities. People would recognize them anywhere they went.

Rei wasn’t ready to think about her future. She thought about Tae and she wanted to see her again even though it wasn’t her right to do so. She broke up with her, and she didn’t regret it. She has never stopped loving Tae though, even know as she was standing right in front of her, Rei felt like the seventeen-year-old girl she used to be when they first kissed.

"Hey," Tae said.

"Hey."

"I heard your band disbanded."

Rei nodded. "Yeah." She looked over to Saaya who was eyeing them in the background.

"Do you want to walk with me?" Tae asked.

Rei nodded. _Please_. "Okay."

They walked for a while in silence with Tae’s case still on her back. "Does your ex hate me? She was staring at me."

"Saaya? No, I don’t think so. I don’t know." Tae stopped in her tracks. "She’s dating Tomoe now anyway."

"Udagawa-san?" Rei was surprised, to say the least.

Tae hummed. "Yes."

"I see."

It was awkward as they kept walking next to each other in silence. "What are you doing now?" Tae asked.

"I don’t know to be honest," Rei admitted. "I think I want to relax for a while. Figure things out. Probably still do something with music but it’s not like I’m in a rush. After all the years—"

"You acquired a lot of money and can retire," Tae ended the sentence.

Rei laughed. "That wasn’t what I was going to say. But, ah, you’re not wrong about that either."

"Why did you come today?"

"I don’t know," Rei admitted.

Tae eyed her. "It’s been four years but I still know you. Don’t lie to me."

Rei held her breath. Of course, she did. "I still love you. I never stopped."

Tae’s expression softened. "I know," she said. "We can go out on a date."

"We can?"

Tae grinned. "Yes. You have to court me again."

Rei smiled. "I will."

"And don’t ever leave me again," Tae added, raising her index finger.

"I won’t."


End file.
